Pages |
Marriage arrangements reflect this concept of a continuing stem family. Once it has been decided which son or daughter will be the one to continue the family line, the decision on whom to marry typically involves the rest of the family, more so than is the case for the son or daughter who leaves the family in marriage. Arranged marriages are rare in contemporary Japan, but it is not rare to have family discussions about marriage choices. In the Satō family, for example, the decision of the young husband/father successor to marry the now twenty-six year old daughter-in-law had a much greater impact on the family than will the marriage decision of the 23 year old younger brother who will be expected to leave the household and the family when he marries. This is not a matter of the younger brother receiving less love from the family. Rather it is a matter of ensuring the continuity of the family line through the older brother.
Today, young people, through work, school or other activities may meet someone whom they may consider for marriage. Typically they will discuss the matter with their parents and other family members, though in most families it is the couple directly involved who will have the strongest voice in such decisions.
When young people are not successful in finding a prospective spouse on their own, however, they may ask family members, professional matchmakers, or dating services to help with the search. Once someone has been identified as a marriage prospect, the young couple can date for a while to see if they are compatible before making a final decision about marriage.
Employment opportunities, if not careers, for women are more plentiful than in the past, resulting in greater economic independence for young women. Many young working women continue to live with their parents, allowing them to save their wages for their own entertainment, e.g., foreign travel, fashionable clothes and accessories, and evenings out for dinner and shows with their friends. The economic and social pressures to get married once their schooling is finished have been eased in recent years, resulting in a substantial number of women who are delaying marriage into their thirties, with many of them not getting married at all. This has led one Japanese sociologist to refer to these unmarried women as "parasite singles," highlighting their dependence on their parents for their living expenses. They are blamed for the low fertility rate and for the stalled economy because they are not buying houses and raising families. In fact, however, they are contributing heavily to the consumer index in Japan and to the economy in other ways. The term "parasite singles" suggests the negative images such unmarried young women have among many older Japanese, especially males. They are seen as selfish, hedonistic, and exploitative of their parents, especially their mothers. However, frequently a mother is delighted to have a daughter at home and is pleased that her daughter can pursue a lifestyle that was not available to women just a generation ago.
The lifestyle that the unmarried daughter is pursuing frequently is less the accomplishment of a grand design, a large plan, or a deliberate choice for a particular life style. Rather the life style happens as an unintended and to certain extent inevitable result of other decisions that the young woman has made, e.g., work decisions, or her rejection of the marriage proposals from her boyfriend thinking that he is not quite right for her. Recent surveys, e.g., one by Tamiko Noll, who did a Ph.D. dissertation in 2004 titled Pragmatic Singles: Being an Unmarried Woman in Contemporary Japan, found that many of these women are not making an explicit decision to avoid marriage and remain single. They are not rejecting marriage and family life. Rather they have not gotten married, yet, because the right circumstances or the right man have not appeared. For many of them, their families worry that the right circumstances, or the right man, may never appear.
Pages |