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If any of the giving and receiving that people are talking about is across in-group/out-group lines, then the speaker must take the point of view of his/her own in-group, and the tendency is usually to put one's own in-group in an equal or lower position vis-a-vis the other person. So if someone from outside gives something to someone in your family, it is as if they had given it to you, and you would use a verb from the first group, kudasaru or kureru. These verbs are also used for giving within the in-group. So, all talk about giving and receiving, and conversation includes a lot of this, must include decisions based on the group membership of the giver and receiver and decisions about whether the thing given is moving up or down the social hierarchy. Generally speaking, Americans don't like doing these types of calculations. But Japanese requires that these social calculations be made. As a result, many Japanese speakers feel that something of the meaning of what they want to convey is lost in English, because the distinctions that are important to them are not so readily translated.
There is a class of sentences known in Japanese as aisatsu which is usually translated as "greetings." These are formulas of polite and appropriate things to say at specific times. "How do you do?" at an introduction would be a counterpart in English. There are possibly more formulas like this, and more occasions for their use, in Japanese. And they are meant to be used as formulas i.e., no one is expected to come up with their own unique or especially meaningful ways to restate the sentiment. Many Americans feel uncomfortable about using such statement phrases in at least some contexts, for they can seem insincere, and trite. At the same time, though, many Americans recognize that it is difficult to come up with appropriate expressions in certain difficult situations. Japanese people learn to use many of these standard phrases appropriately in everyday life, and they are explicitly taught how to use them in school, by their parents, by their employers, and in etiquette books.
Saying "no" to requests, demands, and invitations is difficult in both languages, and both Japanese and American speakers have ways of avoiding direct refusals or contradictions. But there often results a conflict between being courteous and being clear. Many people feel that for Americans, clarity and frankness outweigh courtesy, and for Japanese, courtesy outranks clarity. In both languages expressions such as, "Yes, but...," "Well, ...," "I'll have to think about that," "Let me get back to you on that," "I agree in principle, but. ..," "I wonder about that," etc. are ways of signaling a negative answer or lack of agreement, without having to actually say "no." In Japanese conversations, this happens a lot, and its meaning is critical to native speakers. Even when pressed by American speakers who do not understand, many Japanese hesitate to use a direct, clear, uncourteous "no." As a result, to Americans the Japanese often seem to be wishy-washy or deceptive. Americans, on the other hand, can seem so negative and blunt that for Japanese, it is difficult to keep on talking or negotiating with them because their direct negatives do not leave any room for adjustment. One of the characteristics of long-lasting, well-established multi-purpose groups in Japan, such as families, is that within them, clear "no's" are often used. But outside of these intimate in-group contexts, such directness is seldom used.
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